I don't often get into heavy things here, primary because for someone who talks a lot I struggle to share my more intimate feelings. I do however, want to pay tribute to something that has happened recently and I've been thinking about a lot.
My uncle passed away about a week and a half ago. It was unexpected and felt tragic in its suddenness. He was diagnosed with myeloma cancer and about 6 weeks, 4 surgeries, and one round of chemo later he was gone. He was 62 years old.
My feelings about this have been surprisingly raw. I wasn't as close to him as some, but as we have all shared stories and gathered together as family it has become increasingly obvious that he was someone that we all counted on as always being there. My world feels somehow lonelier for him not being in it. Even if we only saw each other a few times a year, it was comforting to tell people that my uncle lived down the street, or to pass by him and wave "hello" at the grocery store. I knew that if I went to a BYU game with my kids there was always a good chance that we might run into him there. But ultimately he is someone that I knew I could count on if I ever needed him, and he was a link to my family and my childhood.
I have so many memories of him from every part of my life.
I remember being a small child and the cousins playing in the backyard at my grandparent's house while the parents talked and laughed at the kitchen table.
I remember when he organized us to work in our grandparent's garden and I faked being sick to get out of it. He looked at me and said, "If you are too sick to work, you are too sick to have a party afterward." I thought he was the meanest person ever, but now I have to laugh because I would say the exact same thing.
I remember being an annoying teenager and him lending me his car and money to buy everyone ice cream just so that I would go away and quit driving everyone crazy with my complaining.
I remember him taking us to my cousins' soccer games and cheering, then taking us all out for hamburgers afterwards. When I felt bad that I didn't have money he hugged me and said that it was fun for him to get to take us out because he didn't get to do things like that for us often.
I remember him letting me come and borrow things during college, having me over for thanksgiving, building gingerbread houses, and giving me rides to the airport.
I remember going to his house with my mom and sitting down, just the three of us, and watching a movie together. I can even remember the movie.
I remember him coming to my wedding and helping with whatever needed doing. He and his family were a tornado of manpower.
I remember him remodeling his house and building his deck, watching every sports game or news program I could think of, and listening to political shows.
I remember his big booming laugh and how sometimes he would smile and stick out his tongue a little.
I was talking about all of this to Hubs and he wondered if this is how every generation feels as people begin to move on. Slowly but surely we will be all that is left of our history and it's a bit scary and lonely. I am not ready. I will miss him.
This experience has really driven home the feeling of family for me. I have let myself be pulled to far from my family and my roots. I have missed them and missed a part of myself by not being around them more. I need to do better to connect to the amazing people that have shaped my life and not take for granted that they will always be there to get to "someday."
I am grateful for the knowledge that we will see him again and that our Heavenly Father has a plan. We don't grieve for him, we know he is busy and pain free and watching over his family. We grieve for us.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Have you ever...
Had people that thought they had you all figured out and they say things to you about who they think you are and you just kind of look at them like...really?
Friday, February 10, 2012
Life according to my phone
So I finally jumped on the Instagram bandwagon. I know--it's so 6 months ago. Whatever, I'm old, give me a break.
Sometimes we hang out
Sheriff
The hat I made for my friend's cute new baby
Missing his two front teeth
A little dose of sunshine
Double ear infections, burst eardrums, and sleeping all day
Feeling better and picking out yellow purses at Old Navy
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Little updates
G has been sleeping with E every night. It is so sweet to see them cuddled up together in the same bed. In the morning, however, when I tell them to make their bed's G states happily that his bed is already made and that E has to make his own bed. Hmmm.
E and G have swimming lessons. I had to drag E and beg him to get in the water then he is fine. When I went to get him out he started bawling hysterically. I looked at the teacher and she said, "He doesn't want to leave." Of course he doesn't. Then the whole way home he screamed, "I don't want to go swimming." I swear, sometimes....
Miss H has now begun to enter the stinky little toddler stage. Don't get me wrong, she is still a delight 95% of the time, but she has now figured out how to scream her guts out to get what she wants, throw herself in a tantrum on the floor, hit and push, and even burned herself on a hot pan on the stove in order to teach me a lesson. I feel like I am getting a glimpse into what she will be like at 15. I am afraid.
Miss H thinks she is a kitty. She walks around speaking in Meow's all of the time. G told me that we had better teach her English before she goes to school. We're on it.
We are going to Orlando to support my mom going to the Pillsbury Bake Off (which we just found out is being hosted by Martha Stewart!!!). When I called the airlines to ask about bringing our car seats and mentioned that I need to bring three the lady said, "Geez, girl, how many kids have you got?"
To the same end, I have a terror/resentment relationship with car seats. I am terrified that if my children don't ride in them every second that they are in the car then they will spontaneously explode. On the other hand, Miss H has now reached the stage (as all of my children have) where she fights me tooth and nail to get her into her seat. You have no idea how strong a 19 month old is until you are trying to strong arm them into a car seat. Seriously, if child protective services saw me putting her in her seat I'm sure they would take me away for brutality. This is ironic, however, since they would take the kids away for not being in their seats. It honestly makes me avoid using the car, it just isn't worth the work.
I was one of 3 parents in G's kindergarten class who didn't go to his music class to watch them for 30 minutes yesterday. It was right in the middle of nap time and I didn't want to wake Miss H and E to drag them down to the school for half an hour, I just figured it wasn't that big of a deal. So I am officially the worst mom ever. Take that, Toddlers and Tiaras.
I've started jogging again. It is excruciating and I am terrible but I am happy that I am doing it. I have to remind myself that jogging is something worth keeping up on because starting it up again is so awful. Regardless, I am enjoying it. I feel happier and better about myself. I don't realize how much I miss exercising until I start doing it again.
One of my (only) very good friends is moving in about three weeks. I am terrified that I might never leave my house again. This is not a joke.
On that same note, I recently took an online test that told me I am an introvert. I think I am probably a little toward the middle on the introvert/extrovert scale but I do think I lean toward the introvert side. I long for friendships and closeness, but I can really only handle so many and so much. I really enjoy my routine and can live quite happily doing my own thing for days on end. How do introverts make friends? I feel like I need more connections but am not very good at it.
Introvert<----------------------------------------Me----Middle------------------------------------------->Extrovert
(Hermit in a cave) (Ultimate host/party goer)
My friend once sent me an email which included a venn diagram regarding nerdiness. Then we all joked that we are definitely nerdy if we enjoy creating diagrams. Case in point.
They have poured the foundation for our new house and I think I might have an anxiety attack about moving. Can I black out for the next 5 months and you guys just wake me up when it's over? Thanks. If you ever want to see the most boring slide show EVER, just ask Hubs. He's taken about 30 pictures of dirt so far. It's good that at least one of us is super excited and we know we will always be able to get to sleep.
Over and out.
(The kids using their eyeglass crazy straws)
E and G have swimming lessons. I had to drag E and beg him to get in the water then he is fine. When I went to get him out he started bawling hysterically. I looked at the teacher and she said, "He doesn't want to leave." Of course he doesn't. Then the whole way home he screamed, "I don't want to go swimming." I swear, sometimes....
Miss H has now begun to enter the stinky little toddler stage. Don't get me wrong, she is still a delight 95% of the time, but she has now figured out how to scream her guts out to get what she wants, throw herself in a tantrum on the floor, hit and push, and even burned herself on a hot pan on the stove in order to teach me a lesson. I feel like I am getting a glimpse into what she will be like at 15. I am afraid.
(It's hard not to like someone so cute)
Miss H thinks she is a kitty. She walks around speaking in Meow's all of the time. G told me that we had better teach her English before she goes to school. We're on it.
We are going to Orlando to support my mom going to the Pillsbury Bake Off (which we just found out is being hosted by Martha Stewart!!!). When I called the airlines to ask about bringing our car seats and mentioned that I need to bring three the lady said, "Geez, girl, how many kids have you got?"
To the same end, I have a terror/resentment relationship with car seats. I am terrified that if my children don't ride in them every second that they are in the car then they will spontaneously explode. On the other hand, Miss H has now reached the stage (as all of my children have) where she fights me tooth and nail to get her into her seat. You have no idea how strong a 19 month old is until you are trying to strong arm them into a car seat. Seriously, if child protective services saw me putting her in her seat I'm sure they would take me away for brutality. This is ironic, however, since they would take the kids away for not being in their seats. It honestly makes me avoid using the car, it just isn't worth the work.
(Group piggyback ride)
I've started jogging again. It is excruciating and I am terrible but I am happy that I am doing it. I have to remind myself that jogging is something worth keeping up on because starting it up again is so awful. Regardless, I am enjoying it. I feel happier and better about myself. I don't realize how much I miss exercising until I start doing it again.
One of my (only) very good friends is moving in about three weeks. I am terrified that I might never leave my house again. This is not a joke.
On that same note, I recently took an online test that told me I am an introvert. I think I am probably a little toward the middle on the introvert/extrovert scale but I do think I lean toward the introvert side. I long for friendships and closeness, but I can really only handle so many and so much. I really enjoy my routine and can live quite happily doing my own thing for days on end. How do introverts make friends? I feel like I need more connections but am not very good at it.
Introvert<----------------------------------------Me----Middle------------------------------------------->Extrovert
(Hermit in a cave) (Ultimate host/party goer)
My friend once sent me an email which included a venn diagram regarding nerdiness. Then we all joked that we are definitely nerdy if we enjoy creating diagrams. Case in point.
They have poured the foundation for our new house and I think I might have an anxiety attack about moving. Can I black out for the next 5 months and you guys just wake me up when it's over? Thanks. If you ever want to see the most boring slide show EVER, just ask Hubs. He's taken about 30 pictures of dirt so far. It's good that at least one of us is super excited and we know we will always be able to get to sleep.
Over and out.
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