What is wrong with this picture?

I had the lovely experience of being chewed out in the Costco parking lot today by some very determined women for not returning my cart to the cart return area. Their complaint centered around two specific issues:

1. People in Europe always do it.

2. One of the women had recently purchased a new car and my cart was next to it (not touching it, but IT COULD).

This was ultimately followed by the conclusion that I am an incredibly rude person. 

I suppose these women are correct, I am a very rude person. Never mind the fact that:

1. I'm pretty sure that people in Europe do not buy brand new SUV's to drive to giant warehouse type stores such as Costco.

2. It is not uncommon for people to leave their carts out of the return. In fact, I'm not sure every single person in Europe always puts their cart away every time. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying it's probably an unrealistic expectation to think that when you go to a store the parking lot will be cart free. It's like being mad that your 99 cent burrito at Taco Bell was sub standard. Really? 

3. This women had parked near the very front of the store (2nd stall in) where people are bound to park next to her. Isn't it just common sense that if you have a brand new car and don't want people to ding it, hit it, or have anything happen to it, you should park far away where no one will park near you?

4. I am getting yelled at for being rude for not taking my cart back while I am standing in the 80 degree weather with my 3 year old in the baking hot car and about ready to explode/can barely walk pregnant.

Yep. Rude, rude, rude. I'm so grateful for self righteous people who have no children and have been to Europe once. How else would I know what a butt I am? 

Some really obvious things

I recently read a post by a very funny blogger where he talked about obvious things and it inspired me to write about some of the really obvious things that I have noticed lately.

Sarah Palin is an attractive female politician. She is getting a lot of attention as McCain's running mate for the 2008 election. Wow, who would have thought a former beauty queen/mom could possibly be vice president?

When I do my makeup and hair I look and feel so much better. It's like I look in the mirror and think, "wow, I look pretty good today." When famous people don't have makeup on they look terrible. Photographers like to take pictures of them and post them on the Internet and in magazines so we can all think, "wow they are ugly without makeup too."

Being pregnant is really cool, but it's really uncomfortable at the end. You can't sleep or move or sit or lay down or walk or anything. God probably makes it that way so that women will want to actually have the baby come out.

Babies are cute, but no one's baby is as cute as your own. People really like their own kids. It's probably something biological.

Paul Newman was a good actor and had really blue eyes. A lot of women found him very attractive when he was younger (and possibly older too). It's too bad that he passed away recently, but you should watch "Cool Hand Luke," it's a cool movie.

The Office is funny because it focuses so much on awkward moments. Awkward moments make you feel really uncomfortable but are often really funny afterward.

Potty training can be kind of gross sometimes. It's not very fun to clean up poop or pee.

When people sing karaoke they are usually not very good and kind of embarrass themselves. Karaoke is still fun, though, but only if you know the song. Karaoke also usually helps you to realize how few songs you know all of the words to.

Little kids like to play with microphones. And flashlights. And anything with buttons.

Super Why

G decided that for Halloween he really wants to be Super Why--a super hero from a PBS show with the same title. Since no one seems to know who or what the heck this is, I am posting this picture in advance so you can all feign knowledge of his Halloween alter ego.

867-5301

I feel like posting something but I don't really have anything interesting to post about, so I will post about something that happens to me a ridiculous amount. Specifically, I have wrong number callers on my cell phone a surprising amount considering I've had this phone number for over 5 years. The thing that kills me about these wrong numbers is that they people insist on leaving me messages when they call! Well, technically the messages are not for me. There is one guy that must think I am the answering machine for his friend Mike, because he has called a number of times looking for him and always seems surprised when I am not him or his girlfriend/wife/whatever. What? Really? This number didn't work AGAIN? How weird. I guess these people think that when I say my name I'm kidding. "Ha ha, surprise, I really am your friend. I just like to have random women leave their names and voices on my machine to confuse you. Good thing you are too smart for me!"

This speaks to another issue I'm concerned might be occurring. I think at times I might be becoming invisible and that my ability to emit sound fades in and out. I know that this is hard to do when you have become the massive size that I have become now 9 months pregnant, and yet I find a way. In case you are worried about this condition being contagious, I find that it most occurs in these locations:

Storytime at the library

Any store, but especially Wal-mart

When speaking to anyone of primary age

When speaking to a toddler--specifically mine

And again, apparently in my voicemail message

If this invisibility continues I hope I gain another super power like the ability to fly or become a giant magnet for money. Now that would be awesome. 

My two boys

Here are some recent pictures that I have been too lazy to download off of the camera.

Dad and his shadow--mowing the lawn together. We can't wait until he is old enough to do this for real!

Eating a carrot out of the garden like Bugs bunny.Since I might be a little out of it around Halloween time due to the new baby, I decided I had better start early on costumes this year. I made G a cape, and then of course Dad had to have one too. They have been flying around the house rescuing...things?
Super Daddy and Super G to the rescue. As a funny side note, these were made from the bridesmaid skirt I wore to Brian's sister's wedding. Who says you never wear those outfits again?!

Results of our polling population

In case you were curious about the poll on the side, it should come as no surprise to those who know me well that I am terrified of vampires. Seriously...very scary. Now people try to reassure me by saying things like, "they're not real," and laughing at me and shaking their heads, to which I respond--how do you know? I mean it only takes once, doesn't it?

This fear of vampires proves to be especially problematic when I am alone at night, especially in the bathroom, because I'm positive that if a vampire were to sneak up on me it would be while I had my back turned to them and was completely vulnerable while washing my face in front of the sink. Since they aren't visible in a mirror, you can see my problem in leaving my back completely exposed like that. I mean, what do you do when you can't see your potential blood sucking attacker and have soapy eyes? NOTHING.

And don't try to make me feel better by using Stephanie Meyer's logic on me--that won't work. First, her story clearly is made up as she flies in the face of the traditional vampire lore, and second she only has about 10 non-people eating vampires in her universe. Further, it is highly unlikely those non-people eating vampires would be in my bathroom hanging out behind me ready to suck my blood. So Hah.

Anyway, back to the poll. Since so many of you DIDN'T participate I have to go by the relatively small sample size and say that people are equally afraid of witches/evil wizards as well as vampires, however hubby voted twice (once in each of those categories) so I'm not sure how that should skew my results. Regardless, here is my vampire survival guide for all of you who voted with me.

1. Try to force your husband to come with you and watch you brush your teeth/wash your face at night.
2. Inform him of the impending danger and make sure he sits in a position where he can see the whole room.
3. If he won't come with you because he thinks you are ridiculous tell him he'll be sorry when you are dead.
4. Look into the whole bathroom before entering--this will help not only with vampires but also would be murders, zombies, witches/wizards, etc.
5. Turn around quickly at random times throughout the whole process in order to catch your would be attacker off guard.
6. Run to the bed and jump on in order to avoid anything that might be lurking underneath.
7. Once the lights are out, send someone else to lock up and get you a drink of water. This will ensure more time in planning a counter attack in case something happens to them.
8. Make sure to read all of your books at night while your husband is sleeping to maximize the creepiness effect and make you too afraid to use the bathroom again.
9. Repeat steps everyday for greatest potency.

I still haven't developed any sort of strategy for weaponry or counter attack--right now I suppose my philosophy is that the best offense is a good defense. Any ideas?

Project Runway

Project Runway is quickly replacing America's Next Top Model as my new guilty pleasure obsession for a number of reasons. First, unlike Tyra Banks I don't think that Heidi Klum is insane. Second, Heidi Klum is pregnant and adorable in some of the seasons (which I as a big fat pregnant lady appreciate). Third, who doesn't like Tim Gunn? The man kills me, he is not just overly weird and drag queeny like Tyra's side kicks--although I must say that a lot of the male designers are a little (or a lot) femmy but usually funny. And finally, I kind of like that the individuals involved are challenged to actually create something rather than just made to look pretty and have their picture taken. There is something really fascinating about watching someone build something and then evaluating their product when they are finished. Also--who else could make an outfit out of PLANTS--in like 10 hours nonetheless (see bottom right picture--how awesome is that)?

Here is my one beef, however. Sometimes it seems like the judges love and hate equally ugly clothing. For instance, in one challenge the designers were asked to make an ice skating dress for Sasha Cohen and someone created the (what I find to be) hideous white outfit above. I mean seriously? Eww. Likewise the copa cabana green swirly number in the upper right hand corner. So I don't know how the designers are supposed to know what to design. Sometimes they make something normal and attractive and the judges say things like, "Pretty can just be boring." Whaaa? Then sometimes they create the most hideous thing you've ever seen and the judges applaud them for having a sense of direction and vision.

So here is what I have decided. If you are a designer follow these three simple rules:
1. ugly=pretty
2. pretty=boring
3. unless ugly=ugly in which case, Auf Wiedersehen.