The title of this post says it all. School started. Long live school!
In other news, as a back-to-school treat I took the kids to Thanksgiving point the other day. We had a grand time seeing the animals at farm country. There was one incident, though, that was indicative of something I have been struggling with for a long time. Namely I am so tired of other moms, grandma's, parents, etc. who live in the bubble that their child is the most special child on the planet and should always have what they want. Seriously, don't be that person.
As we stood in line for the pony ride the worker assigned us our ponies. I watched her talk to the moms in front of me.
"Could your daughter sit on the brown pony?"
"No. She has to sit on the white one. That's the one she wants."
"Ok, but there are other kids that might need the brown one. Could she do the white one?"
"No. She wants the brown one."
Etc. etc.
When the poor girl came to me I offered to just let my child sit on whatever horse was left. She gratefully accepted. I was annoyed, though. Why is it that out of 5-6 parents I was the only one who told my kids, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit?"
I eventually had to split my kids into two different rides because there wasn't enough room (another concession). Then when it was my other kids ride I actually had a mom come up to me and tell me that I had put my child on the wrong pony and that I needed to take her off. Nevermind the fact that I had been running around facilitating an earlier pony ride and had then rushed back and asked my daughter and she told me that this particular pony had been assigned to her. Nope, this mom had determined that that pony was hers and we were in her daughter's way. I finally lost my temper as I dragged my crying child off of the newly claimed horse and deposited her on another horse assuring her that it would be great and she would have fun. I walked away and said loudly, "I am so sick of other moms."
The mom awkwardly walked near me and defensively said, "I was just following what the lady told me."
"Regardless," I said, "it was really rude."
She huffed with her friend as they conspired together. Her friend said, "It wasn't a big deal."
"If it wasn't a big deal," I said, "Then why did I have to switch?"
At this point they seemed stumped at their own logic and had to be quiet. I was fuming and had to talk myself down from all of the other barbs I wanted to throw out. "I will not let them ruin my day for my kids!" I said to myself. And ultimately we moved on and it didn't.
I've thought about this incident quite a bit since, however. Why does this bug me so much? Well here it is--I am going to let all of these types of mothers and caregivers in on a little secret.
Do you see those children that you love?
The ones that you think are the best thing in the world?
That you want to have everything and think that everyone else should see it and want for them to have everything too?
We all feel that way about our own kids.
True story!!
I know, it's crazy, but my mother's heart would love for my kid to always have their pick of the ponies. I would love for them to always be the favorite student or the child always spotlighted or selected to participate. I think they deserve it and I think that everyone else should see that. But I also understand that everyone feels that way and ultimately life isn't like that. Furthermore, it wouldn't make my children very good people to always have their way. I realize that not only will they survive not getting their pick of ponies, but maybe it is good for them to experience rejection every once in a while. It creates compassion and empathy. It helps them learn to deal with failure or disappointment. And while it rips my heart out to have my son come home crying and telling me that his friend turned against him and convinced everyone to do the same, we hugged and talked about good and bad friends and the lessons that we all learn in life through going through hard things.
So here's the deal, back up. Let your kid not get their way sometimes. Be a facilitator for others rather than always being an advocate for your kid. There are times that you should fight for your kid, and by golly then you fight hard. But learn those times. Over a pony ride is just stupid (and yes, I realize the hypocrisy in my saying that but go with me because ultimately I gave everyone their way on that stupid ride except for my kids). In the end our kids will be better for it, I really believe that. They will know how to brush off failure or disappointment, how to find joy in things they hadn't anticipated, and how to fight their own battles. Bottom line, we are not the first people on this planet who have ever given birth to, raised, and loved a child. And we will not be the last. Love your family, please, but allow that others love theirs just as much and act accordingly.
