Today the kids decided (10 minutes later than they should have) that they would ride bikes to school. I was a little nervous for Hadley, my kindergartener. I had no idea if she could make it to school much less with all of the traffic and driving around her. I sent the kids and hopped in the car to follow them. Ada was sitting in a booster seat with no shoes and I was straight out of the shower.
Sure enough, Hadley hadn't made it to the end of the street before she was walking her bike up the hill. I felt that thrumming pressure, we were going to be late. I slowly followed and soon enough she was back up riding. Then walking again. Riding....walking. Other parents were driving around me trying to get to school on time. Pretty soon, Everett had given up. He was riding on ahead and leaving her. Greyson stuck with it though. I pulled ahead and watched to see them come up behind me. I drove ahead onto the busy road and parked in the church parking lot to wait for the kids and help them lock up. Ada begged to be let out. "You don't have any shoes!" I said. "It's fine mom, you can carry me." She responded. And I wonder why I have a bad back.
I stood in the parking lot waiting. Everett was long gone into the school and the line of kids were streaming in, but no Hadley and Greyson. A mom from my ward drove by, "They are back there a ways," she said, "I think Hadley fell." I thanked her and began to trek across the parking lot.
Another mom from our ward pulled into the lot, "Your kids are back there and one of them fell. She's crying. I tried to get her to come with me but she didn't recognize me. I'm sorry!" she said. I thanked her and kept walking.
Yet another mom drove up and yelled out the car window, "Hadley and Greyson are back there, she's crying!"
"I got it." I said as I lugged my 30 lbs of toddler down the road. Another mom had joined me on the walk as she was walking home from dropping her daughter off. We chuckled and shook our heads at the ridiculousness of the situation. It was just one of those mom moments.
As we neared the turn, yet another mom was helping Hadley up while a frantic Greyson looked on. I told him to go ahead and he sped off. "She's in my son's class." she said by way of explanation. I thanked her and dusted Hadley off. We talked for a minute, she hopped on her bike and rode to school. I hiked back, Ada now walking barefoot because my back just couldn't take it anymore.
I picked up Hadley's bike, helmet, and lock and put them in my car so that she could easily go with her carpool after kindergarten and checked on Greyson in case I needed to talk to his teacher about being tardy. It was all just fine.
At carpool time I got a call from my friend who was driving, "Did you pick up Hadley?" she asked, "I can't find her." I explained that she was probably looking for her bike and they located her quickly. She made it home and all is well.
Through all of this I wanted to be annoyed (and while part of me was) a bigger part of me just felt relieved and blessed. I worry about my kids all of the time and being a parent seems so difficult. I often feel isolated and overwhelmed. Everyday I feel like I drop them off at school, send them off to friends or their activities, and just pray that they will make it there. Today was a good reminder that I am part of such a wonderful community of people. I am so grateful to know that we aren't doing this all on our own, rather there are people watching out for our family who will dive in if we need help. What a wonderful relief. The Lord is making our burden lighter, even if we don't always see it.
And as a side note, Hadley will be working on riding hills before she rides to school again!
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Thursday, August 20, 2015
School started, Hallelujah!
The title of this post says it all. School started. Long live school!
In other news, as a back-to-school treat I took the kids to Thanksgiving point the other day. We had a grand time seeing the animals at farm country. There was one incident, though, that was indicative of something I have been struggling with for a long time. Namely I am so tired of other moms, grandma's, parents, etc. who live in the bubble that their child is the most special child on the planet and should always have what they want. Seriously, don't be that person.
As we stood in line for the pony ride the worker assigned us our ponies. I watched her talk to the moms in front of me.
"Could your daughter sit on the brown pony?"
"No. She has to sit on the white one. That's the one she wants."
"Ok, but there are other kids that might need the brown one. Could she do the white one?"
"No. She wants the brown one."
Etc. etc.
When the poor girl came to me I offered to just let my child sit on whatever horse was left. She gratefully accepted. I was annoyed, though. Why is it that out of 5-6 parents I was the only one who told my kids, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit?"
I eventually had to split my kids into two different rides because there wasn't enough room (another concession). Then when it was my other kids ride I actually had a mom come up to me and tell me that I had put my child on the wrong pony and that I needed to take her off. Nevermind the fact that I had been running around facilitating an earlier pony ride and had then rushed back and asked my daughter and she told me that this particular pony had been assigned to her. Nope, this mom had determined that that pony was hers and we were in her daughter's way. I finally lost my temper as I dragged my crying child off of the newly claimed horse and deposited her on another horse assuring her that it would be great and she would have fun. I walked away and said loudly, "I am so sick of other moms."
The mom awkwardly walked near me and defensively said, "I was just following what the lady told me."
"Regardless," I said, "it was really rude."
She huffed with her friend as they conspired together. Her friend said, "It wasn't a big deal."
"If it wasn't a big deal," I said, "Then why did I have to switch?"
At this point they seemed stumped at their own logic and had to be quiet. I was fuming and had to talk myself down from all of the other barbs I wanted to throw out. "I will not let them ruin my day for my kids!" I said to myself. And ultimately we moved on and it didn't.
I've thought about this incident quite a bit since, however. Why does this bug me so much? Well here it is--I am going to let all of these types of mothers and caregivers in on a little secret.
Do you see those children that you love?
The ones that you think are the best thing in the world?
That you want to have everything and think that everyone else should see it and want for them to have everything too?
We all feel that way about our own kids.
True story!!
I know, it's crazy, but my mother's heart would love for my kid to always have their pick of the ponies. I would love for them to always be the favorite student or the child always spotlighted or selected to participate. I think they deserve it and I think that everyone else should see that. But I also understand that everyone feels that way and ultimately life isn't like that. Furthermore, it wouldn't make my children very good people to always have their way. I realize that not only will they survive not getting their pick of ponies, but maybe it is good for them to experience rejection every once in a while. It creates compassion and empathy. It helps them learn to deal with failure or disappointment. And while it rips my heart out to have my son come home crying and telling me that his friend turned against him and convinced everyone to do the same, we hugged and talked about good and bad friends and the lessons that we all learn in life through going through hard things.
So here's the deal, back up. Let your kid not get their way sometimes. Be a facilitator for others rather than always being an advocate for your kid. There are times that you should fight for your kid, and by golly then you fight hard. But learn those times. Over a pony ride is just stupid (and yes, I realize the hypocrisy in my saying that but go with me because ultimately I gave everyone their way on that stupid ride except for my kids). In the end our kids will be better for it, I really believe that. They will know how to brush off failure or disappointment, how to find joy in things they hadn't anticipated, and how to fight their own battles. Bottom line, we are not the first people on this planet who have ever given birth to, raised, and loved a child. And we will not be the last. Love your family, please, but allow that others love theirs just as much and act accordingly.
In other news, as a back-to-school treat I took the kids to Thanksgiving point the other day. We had a grand time seeing the animals at farm country. There was one incident, though, that was indicative of something I have been struggling with for a long time. Namely I am so tired of other moms, grandma's, parents, etc. who live in the bubble that their child is the most special child on the planet and should always have what they want. Seriously, don't be that person.
As we stood in line for the pony ride the worker assigned us our ponies. I watched her talk to the moms in front of me.
"Could your daughter sit on the brown pony?"
"No. She has to sit on the white one. That's the one she wants."
"Ok, but there are other kids that might need the brown one. Could she do the white one?"
"No. She wants the brown one."
Etc. etc.
When the poor girl came to me I offered to just let my child sit on whatever horse was left. She gratefully accepted. I was annoyed, though. Why is it that out of 5-6 parents I was the only one who told my kids, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit?"
I eventually had to split my kids into two different rides because there wasn't enough room (another concession). Then when it was my other kids ride I actually had a mom come up to me and tell me that I had put my child on the wrong pony and that I needed to take her off. Nevermind the fact that I had been running around facilitating an earlier pony ride and had then rushed back and asked my daughter and she told me that this particular pony had been assigned to her. Nope, this mom had determined that that pony was hers and we were in her daughter's way. I finally lost my temper as I dragged my crying child off of the newly claimed horse and deposited her on another horse assuring her that it would be great and she would have fun. I walked away and said loudly, "I am so sick of other moms."
The mom awkwardly walked near me and defensively said, "I was just following what the lady told me."
"Regardless," I said, "it was really rude."
She huffed with her friend as they conspired together. Her friend said, "It wasn't a big deal."
"If it wasn't a big deal," I said, "Then why did I have to switch?"
At this point they seemed stumped at their own logic and had to be quiet. I was fuming and had to talk myself down from all of the other barbs I wanted to throw out. "I will not let them ruin my day for my kids!" I said to myself. And ultimately we moved on and it didn't.
I've thought about this incident quite a bit since, however. Why does this bug me so much? Well here it is--I am going to let all of these types of mothers and caregivers in on a little secret.
Do you see those children that you love?
The ones that you think are the best thing in the world?
That you want to have everything and think that everyone else should see it and want for them to have everything too?
We all feel that way about our own kids.
True story!!
I know, it's crazy, but my mother's heart would love for my kid to always have their pick of the ponies. I would love for them to always be the favorite student or the child always spotlighted or selected to participate. I think they deserve it and I think that everyone else should see that. But I also understand that everyone feels that way and ultimately life isn't like that. Furthermore, it wouldn't make my children very good people to always have their way. I realize that not only will they survive not getting their pick of ponies, but maybe it is good for them to experience rejection every once in a while. It creates compassion and empathy. It helps them learn to deal with failure or disappointment. And while it rips my heart out to have my son come home crying and telling me that his friend turned against him and convinced everyone to do the same, we hugged and talked about good and bad friends and the lessons that we all learn in life through going through hard things.
So here's the deal, back up. Let your kid not get their way sometimes. Be a facilitator for others rather than always being an advocate for your kid. There are times that you should fight for your kid, and by golly then you fight hard. But learn those times. Over a pony ride is just stupid (and yes, I realize the hypocrisy in my saying that but go with me because ultimately I gave everyone their way on that stupid ride except for my kids). In the end our kids will be better for it, I really believe that. They will know how to brush off failure or disappointment, how to find joy in things they hadn't anticipated, and how to fight their own battles. Bottom line, we are not the first people on this planet who have ever given birth to, raised, and loved a child. And we will not be the last. Love your family, please, but allow that others love theirs just as much and act accordingly.
Friday, May 8, 2015
A form letter for your instructor!
Dear Dr. (Insert Name Here)
Why did I receive that grade on my assignment? I did not read or follow the instructions and I didn't read the feedback you gave explaining my grade, but I'm sure that none of that matters because I worked really hard on it. That just isn't fair. I thought that maybe because I am emailing you now you could explain everything to me and be merciful because I need this class to graduate. Unlike every other student in this course, I am not just taking this class for fun so there should probably be some wiggle room for my GPA.
I also don't understand why I didn't get credit for the paper that I turned in late even though you said you don't accept late work. I couldn't buy my book because my financial aid hadn't come through yet, the internet was broken, my daughter in law went into pre-term labor, I am dealing with some mental illness, and I don't know how to use a store anymore. I realize the deadline was at 11:59 pm, but I turned it in at 12:05 so it's basically the same thing. Didn't you get the email I sent at 11:55 explaining all of these issues? You didn't respond in time so I really didn't have any other choice but to turn my assignment in late. I'm also a super busy person. I just don't think that it is fair to require people to turn things in on time because sometimes they have busy weeks.
Finally, I don't understand anything in this class and it is really hard. I don't really like using particular writing style so I don't think that it is fair that you require that of us. I don't even know how to find information about the things you are talking about. I didn't watch any of the screencasts, links, tutorials, or google any information on my own, but I could just tell that it wouldn't be helpful. I also discussed with you why I don't think that I should follow your instructions regarding how to make my assignment better. I just want to write it my way because I know how to write, so why do you keep marking it down? Why do you insist on making this class so hard? I don't think it is fair for students outside of your major to have to take a class that is so hard in your major.
I have never gotten below an A in a course before and now you and this class are ruining my GPA. I just want you to know that I am going to decimate you in my teacher ratings.
Please have mercy on me and give me a better grade. This is a religious school and Jesus said that you should be kind.
But seriously I am going to rip you a new one on my course/teacher evaluations.
Your student,
(Insert your name here)
Why did I receive that grade on my assignment? I did not read or follow the instructions and I didn't read the feedback you gave explaining my grade, but I'm sure that none of that matters because I worked really hard on it. That just isn't fair. I thought that maybe because I am emailing you now you could explain everything to me and be merciful because I need this class to graduate. Unlike every other student in this course, I am not just taking this class for fun so there should probably be some wiggle room for my GPA.
I also don't understand why I didn't get credit for the paper that I turned in late even though you said you don't accept late work. I couldn't buy my book because my financial aid hadn't come through yet, the internet was broken, my daughter in law went into pre-term labor, I am dealing with some mental illness, and I don't know how to use a store anymore. I realize the deadline was at 11:59 pm, but I turned it in at 12:05 so it's basically the same thing. Didn't you get the email I sent at 11:55 explaining all of these issues? You didn't respond in time so I really didn't have any other choice but to turn my assignment in late. I'm also a super busy person. I just don't think that it is fair to require people to turn things in on time because sometimes they have busy weeks.
Finally, I don't understand anything in this class and it is really hard. I don't really like using particular writing style so I don't think that it is fair that you require that of us. I don't even know how to find information about the things you are talking about. I didn't watch any of the screencasts, links, tutorials, or google any information on my own, but I could just tell that it wouldn't be helpful. I also discussed with you why I don't think that I should follow your instructions regarding how to make my assignment better. I just want to write it my way because I know how to write, so why do you keep marking it down? Why do you insist on making this class so hard? I don't think it is fair for students outside of your major to have to take a class that is so hard in your major.
I have never gotten below an A in a course before and now you and this class are ruining my GPA. I just want you to know that I am going to decimate you in my teacher ratings.
Please have mercy on me and give me a better grade. This is a religious school and Jesus said that you should be kind.
But seriously I am going to rip you a new one on my course/teacher evaluations.
Your student,
(Insert your name here)
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
My own lifestyle blog
So I was reading a friend's instagram feed and she was talking about a lifestyle blogger and trying to imitate some of the styles she had seen on that particular blog. What is a lifestyle blogger you ask? Well it is someone who posts pictures of their fabulous life so that you can be jealous/want to be just like them/secretly hate them a little because they are perfect.
As I read through the blog I thought, "You know, I bet those 5 people who read my blog have really been wanting me to show them how to live their lives better. I mean clearly I have really got it all together."
So I have decided to have mercy on all of you and let you in on some of my awesome lifestyle secrets.
Q. Is that your own hair and how do you achieve such awesome hairstyles everyday?
A. Uh, this is totally my own hair though it's taken years for me to perfect. This particular hairstyle is called a "ponytail." You take an elastic band and wrap it around your hair 3, maybe 4 times. Don't feel bad if you can't get it right at first. If you really need one I can post a tutorial someday.
Q. How do you achieve that stunningly hot bod?
A. Oh this old thing? Thanks! I don't know, I've just had it laying around for forever. It is probably assisted a lot, however, by generous portions of french fries and not exercising enough.
Q. How do you do it all?
A. I am just really good at things. Plus I know all the trendiest ways of dressing, teaching, decorating, parenting etc. I'm probably the best person that you know.
Q. Where do you get your amazing wardrobe??
A. I'm so glad you asked! This is one of the awesomest tips I could ever give. Buy a $4 shirt at Target to wear when you are pregnant and then you can wear it almost everyday for the next 3 years. Win, win, win.
Q. How do you keep the romance in your life alive?
A. My husband and I are always super worried about making sure that our lives stay romantic. We spend tons of money keeping our romance alive through doing plumbing together, yardwork, laundry, sitting through endless horrible soccer games, et. We can't help it, we are just super romantic people.
Q. How do you get such beautiful photos of yourself?
A. The credit for this one all goes to my amazing husband. Brian is so in love with me that occasionally he gazes at me
across a room and I look so beautiful that he is compelled to take a stunning picture of
me. Then he likes to upload it onto some sort of social media platform so that we can bask in my glory and share it with others.
If I can come up with any other tips for how you can be as awesome as me (and as slightly awesome as the rest of my family), I'll let you know.
As I read through the blog I thought, "You know, I bet those 5 people who read my blog have really been wanting me to show them how to live their lives better. I mean clearly I have really got it all together."
So I have decided to have mercy on all of you and let you in on some of my awesome lifestyle secrets.
Q. Is that your own hair and how do you achieve such awesome hairstyles everyday?
A. Uh, this is totally my own hair though it's taken years for me to perfect. This particular hairstyle is called a "ponytail." You take an elastic band and wrap it around your hair 3, maybe 4 times. Don't feel bad if you can't get it right at first. If you really need one I can post a tutorial someday.
Q. How do you achieve that stunningly hot bod?
Q. How do you do it all?
Q. Where do you get your amazing wardrobe??
A. I'm so glad you asked! This is one of the awesomest tips I could ever give. Buy a $4 shirt at Target to wear when you are pregnant and then you can wear it almost everyday for the next 3 years. Win, win, win.
Q. How do you keep the romance in your life alive?
Q. How do you get such beautiful photos of yourself?
If I can come up with any other tips for how you can be as awesome as me (and as slightly awesome as the rest of my family), I'll let you know.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Passion
I really have no clear direction of where I am going with this but whatever. I think that we landed in that realm a long time ago.
I feel like I hear a lot about finding your passion and making that your life's pursuit. Mainly when I hear anyone use the word passion I want to passionately roll my eyes. I mean really, good for those people but seriously? Passion? I guess.
--Side note--I have a list of other words that I hate more. That is a whole other post. Ok fine, Classy. Seriously? If you use the word classy you just aren't. End rant!
Back on topic, I used to think of myself as a passionate person, especially when I was younger. I think that life has just beaten me down into a much more doldrum sort of person. Anymore I look at things and think, "Whatever. I just don't care anymore. Where is a cookie I can eat?" Perhaps cookies are my passion! Something to ponder...
So I thought that I would make a list of fun things for myself that I like.
So that's about all I can think of right now. The thing is, I don't think I am passionate about any of those things. I mean when I think about being passionate it it just sounds like a lot of work. What does that even mean? Like would I die for them? Would I want my entire day to revolve around one of them? Would I sacrifice my whole life to pursue one of those things? Nope, sorry guys. I really like shoes, but I also like having money in my bank account.
Here's the thing, though. When is something passion and when is it folly? I think that while it seems boring to not really be super into anything, it also keeps you balanced. There is definitely a tipping point where you can be spending too much time doing something that you enjoy but there is usually a blow-back somewhere. In fact, just the other day Brian and I were discussing friendships and how hard it is to find time to cultivate a lot of friendships just by virtue of the fact that your time is limited and therefore you only have a certain amount to devote to many relationships. I think this applies just as clearly to our hobbies, interests, and passions too.
I guess as life evolves we evolve and find different purpose as well. Perhaps that term makes more sense to me. I am not even kidding when I say that I just had this epiphany as I was writing this. Purpose seems as though it has an element of work and grit to it. You can have a purpose that is not fun but is important to do. You don't have to love your purpose all the time but it can still be important and drive your life. New mantra guys, find your purpose--not your passion!
My purpose is to be a good instructor, a good ward member, a good neighbor, and a good mom. My purpose today is to clean the dishes, finish the laundry, and potty train my two year old. I'm not entirely passionate about all of those things--except maybe the use of toilets, I am a big advocate of that--but I will do them anyway. So here's to purpose with an occasional dash of passion. Passion could be good and add a little spice, but I think that purpose is where I will probably spend most of my time.
I feel like I hear a lot about finding your passion and making that your life's pursuit. Mainly when I hear anyone use the word passion I want to passionately roll my eyes. I mean really, good for those people but seriously? Passion? I guess.
--Side note--I have a list of other words that I hate more. That is a whole other post. Ok fine, Classy. Seriously? If you use the word classy you just aren't. End rant!
Back on topic, I used to think of myself as a passionate person, especially when I was younger. I think that life has just beaten me down into a much more doldrum sort of person. Anymore I look at things and think, "Whatever. I just don't care anymore. Where is a cookie I can eat?" Perhaps cookies are my passion! Something to ponder...
So I thought that I would make a list of fun things for myself that I like.
- Cooking
- Eating--See the cookies are making a reappearance in this post, oh and doughnut holes. I could be passionate about those...
- Running
- Clothes
- Shoes--These are very different from clothes and deserve their own category, just sayin'
- Reading
- Working
- Napping
- Sewing
- T.V. and movies
- Making ridiculous lists
So that's about all I can think of right now. The thing is, I don't think I am passionate about any of those things. I mean when I think about being passionate it it just sounds like a lot of work. What does that even mean? Like would I die for them? Would I want my entire day to revolve around one of them? Would I sacrifice my whole life to pursue one of those things? Nope, sorry guys. I really like shoes, but I also like having money in my bank account.
Here's the thing, though. When is something passion and when is it folly? I think that while it seems boring to not really be super into anything, it also keeps you balanced. There is definitely a tipping point where you can be spending too much time doing something that you enjoy but there is usually a blow-back somewhere. In fact, just the other day Brian and I were discussing friendships and how hard it is to find time to cultivate a lot of friendships just by virtue of the fact that your time is limited and therefore you only have a certain amount to devote to many relationships. I think this applies just as clearly to our hobbies, interests, and passions too.
I guess as life evolves we evolve and find different purpose as well. Perhaps that term makes more sense to me. I am not even kidding when I say that I just had this epiphany as I was writing this. Purpose seems as though it has an element of work and grit to it. You can have a purpose that is not fun but is important to do. You don't have to love your purpose all the time but it can still be important and drive your life. New mantra guys, find your purpose--not your passion!
My purpose is to be a good instructor, a good ward member, a good neighbor, and a good mom. My purpose today is to clean the dishes, finish the laundry, and potty train my two year old. I'm not entirely passionate about all of those things--except maybe the use of toilets, I am a big advocate of that--but I will do them anyway. So here's to purpose with an occasional dash of passion. Passion could be good and add a little spice, but I think that purpose is where I will probably spend most of my time.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Lord, I Would Follow Thee
Everyday when I put Ada down for a nap we have a routine. I read her two books and sing her a litany of songs until I finally tell her I will sing her one last song as I put her in bed. I have an entire setlist that usually includes a number of Primary songs, occasionally every Frozen song (which thankfully I have shut down because dang those are long and have huge vocal ranges!!) and at times a popular hit or a hymn of my own choosing.
One song that I find myself singing to her has become a favorite of mine over the last few years--Lord, I Would Follow Thee, Hymn 220.*
When Brian was in his nursing program, a line from this song was the theme for their nursing school at BYU. I had very complicated feelings regarding this song just due to the nursing school's adoption of it. All of those bad feelings about being in graduate school, people who hold your future in the palm of their hand and sometimes abuse their power, then singing this song in such a virtuous way made me want to scream. I could barely stand to hear it without wanting to gouge someone's (usually a nursing faculty member's) eyes out!
Over the years, however, I have grown such a love and fondness for the message of this song. I find it thought provoking and so true to my experience. I think that it demonstrates our love for our Savior in such an insightful way.
The first verse says, "Savior, may I learn to love the, walk the path that thou has shown. Pause to help and lift another, finding strength beyond my own." This simple sentence describes love as an act of obedience, service, and finding strength through the enabling power of the Atonement. Could we think of any more different definition of love from the way that it is presented by popular media? "Savior may I learn to love thee, Lord I would follow thee." Never once does it discuss what the Savior does for us. It doesn't even discuss how the Savior might feel about us. Only that we would truly love our Savior by trying to emulate him.
The second verse is perhaps my favorite though. It states, "Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly?" Then comes my favorite line, "In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see." We do keep our sorrows quietly hidden. So many times I feel angry and hurt and sorrowful beyond measure. Just the other day as I was reflecting on some issues in our family and how to handle them, I was reminded of Luke 2:19, "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." Just because not everyone is open about their trials and heartaches doesn't mean that they aren't there. We are all the walking wounded with our quiet aches. When I sing this verse I am reminded to be kinder to others and to myself. We may never know those secret wounds and if we do become aware of them we may often be ashamed of our unkindness.
The third verse follows much like the second and was the reason that the BYU nursing program had adopted this song. “I would be my brother’s keeper, I would learn the healer’s art. To the wounded and the weary, I would show a gentle heart.” As I said, for years I thought of this verse in particular as belonging to the medical field because of its association in my memories with Brian’s nursing experience. As I have pondered it more, however, I think of those terms—wounded and weary—and reflect on them more as I have on the second verse. Yes, people may be physically wounded and weary but they may be emotionally wounded and weary as well. Frankly, we may be emotionally and mentally wounded/weary on a more frequent basis. I can indeed show a gentle heart and be my brother’s keeper. Little by little, I have begun to reclaim this verse for myself.
The final verse has struck me quite a bit recently as well, and is probably my second favorite of the four. It concludes, “Savior may I love my brother as I know thou lovest me.” As I sing this verse I often wonder, “Do I pray to love others as my Savior loves me?” I don’t know that I often do. I am usually too busy asking for help in solving problems. What a change in heart this demonstrates. Likewise, this is another interesting insight into love. That we would pray to love others as our Savior would love them, not based on our own relationship with them. I also appreciate the final sentiment, “Find in thee my strength, my beacon, for thy servant I would be.” Again, this focuses on the enabling power of the Atonement. In Elder Bednar’s October 2004 conference talk entitled, In the Strength of the Lord he states, “Thus, the enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement helps us to see and to do and to become good in ways that we could never recognize or accomplish with our limited mortal capacity.” I love that this simple hymn captures the message of the Atonement’s grace so clearly—a simple plea that we would strive to find that additional strength in the Savior so that we could be his hands here on earth.
After a complicated history, I now love this hymn. It softens my often hard heart. It re-orients me and focuses me toward my Savior. May I learn to love him, follow him, emulate him, and find strength in him.
*Lord, I would follow thee
1. Savior, may I learn to love thee,
Walk the path that thou hast shown,
Pause to help and lift another,
Finding strength beyond my own.
Savior, may I learn to love thee--
Walk the path that thou hast shown,
Pause to help and lift another,
Finding strength beyond my own.
Savior, may I learn to love thee--
(Chorus)
Lord, I would follow thee.
Lord, I would follow thee.
2. Who am I to judge another
When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another?
When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another?
3. I would be my brother's keeper;
I would learn the healer's art.
To the wounded and the weary
I would show a gentle heart.
I would be my brother's keeper--
I would learn the healer's art.
To the wounded and the weary
I would show a gentle heart.
I would be my brother's keeper--
4. Savior, may I love my brother
As I know thou lovest me,
Find in thee my strength, my beacon,
For thy servant I would be.
Savior, may I love my brother—
As I know thou lovest me,
Find in thee my strength, my beacon,
For thy servant I would be.
Savior, may I love my brother—
MUSIC
TEXT
Friday, April 3, 2015
You don't have to try so hard. Except for when you do. But seriously just don't.
As I was driving kids to half a dozen places today I convinced them to let us listen to anything other than the Frozen soundtrack. This is a major accomplishment for us since it usually results in a screaming toddler.
Anyhow, a song came on the radio that I'm sure is very old and very uncool but it struck me all the same. It's lyrics talked about all the things we do to try so hard. It talks about all the things we worry about and change to make others like us. Our makeup, hair, clothes, being thin, saying the right things, anything that we do to manage our impressions. Then the chorus breaks out that in fact, you don't have to try so hard you can just be yourself and like yourself.
I have heard this song before and it always makes me think. I often find myself fretting over these insignificant things. I feel like there are so many constant expectations to live up to and they exist in every sphere of life.
Just this last weekend was the General Women's Meeting. One of the sisters talked about her daughter who went to her children's elementary school career day and spoke about all of the qualities it takes to be a mom. Much like those old Young Women's lessons she mentioned that we have to be good at so many things--a household manager, event organizer, decorator, healthcare professional, mental health professional, chef, chauffeur, seamstress, landscaper, cleaning lady, personal shopper and stylist, etc. As always when I heard this list I just found it discouraging. Not only do I feel the expectation to do all those things and more, but I feel the pressure to always be doing them exceptionally.
For example:
I recently sat with a group of women talking about which General Conference talks were our favorites. One woman said, "I love the ones that just give it to me straight and tell me what I need to be doing. It gears me up like, OK I can do this!!" I just looked at her with dismay. I always feel so torn with our religion. On the one hand I love our church and the gospel. The atonement is real in my life and I am so grateful for my relationship with my Heavenly Father and the Savior. On the other hand I don't need more people telling me all of the expectations I am not meeting and my constant crushing guilt at being a failure at one more thing. Yes, I know I didn't make it to the temple this month. Did you see the list of other things above that I am clearly not accomplishing as well??! (Those are just the few examples I could think of right now--I am not trying to say that the temple is insignificant in any way or aligns with soccer treats. Come on guys, be cool.)
It often feels like my life is me trying and trying and watching all of the ways that I am falling short. I love the General Conference talks where they tell me that I am loved and that they appreciate my efforts. I need to hear that it is ok that my children eat quesadilla's for dinner sometimes and that they will survive watching TV because we all did. I need to know that it is fine for my kids to be raggedy but loved. I need to be told that you don't have to be the room mom, the soccer coach, immaculately dressed, doing service constantly, attending the temple, working from home, raising cultured children, and every other thing that it takes to be fabulous. Fabulous is not even on my to-do list.
I am lowering the bar, people. I don't think that it will effect anyone other than me, but I am giving us permission to not be great at all of these things. I am telling you that I will love you more if you don't show up looking perfect to everything. I will love you more if your kids have a lame birthday party with dollar store decorations and a homemade from a box cake. I will love you if your kids are scraggily and have runny noses sometimes and if your house is not immaculately clean and always decorated and you are eating Kraft Mac n' Cheese for dinner. Please tell me that you love to watch TV and you get cranky with your family--I would really love to hear it.
I promise to continue to try, but I am consolidating my trying a little. I am trying to laugh more with my kids. I am trying to be forgiving to my family and myself. I am trying to read my scriptures. I am trying to have positive relationships and be more loving. These are the things that I am trying to do.
I apologize up front for how pitiful we will be in all of the other trendy areas that we will fail at. But if you love gluten, stop on by. We've got loads of it.
Anyhow, a song came on the radio that I'm sure is very old and very uncool but it struck me all the same. It's lyrics talked about all the things we do to try so hard. It talks about all the things we worry about and change to make others like us. Our makeup, hair, clothes, being thin, saying the right things, anything that we do to manage our impressions. Then the chorus breaks out that in fact, you don't have to try so hard you can just be yourself and like yourself.
I have heard this song before and it always makes me think. I often find myself fretting over these insignificant things. I feel like there are so many constant expectations to live up to and they exist in every sphere of life.
Just this last weekend was the General Women's Meeting. One of the sisters talked about her daughter who went to her children's elementary school career day and spoke about all of the qualities it takes to be a mom. Much like those old Young Women's lessons she mentioned that we have to be good at so many things--a household manager, event organizer, decorator, healthcare professional, mental health professional, chef, chauffeur, seamstress, landscaper, cleaning lady, personal shopper and stylist, etc. As always when I heard this list I just found it discouraging. Not only do I feel the expectation to do all those things and more, but I feel the pressure to always be doing them exceptionally.
For example:
- Most people don't just send paper Valentines to school anymore, you have to have some sort of original cute thing off of Pinterest included with candy and possibly a fancy goody bag. $100 later we have now celebrated Valentine's Day at school!
- And how dare you host a simple child's birthday party? Are you kidding? Where are the themes? The beautiful decor? The fabulous homemade cake that is gluten, dairy, and sugar free not to mention being organic and tasting amazing. Shame on you for using a box mix, why do you hate families?!
- Oh general conference is coming up? Your children should be sitting still in a homemade tent just like King Benjamin's people. Likewise they should be dressed in Sunday clothes to remember the reverence of the occasion and joyfully playing conference bingo with their siblings because they all remember who each apostle is. Oh and don't forget the elaborate feast of foods that you should have prepared the night before and then baked at 5:00 am so that you can sit on the couch raptly and take notes as well.
- Obviously the best and most well adjusted children play club sports. Drive them the four hours to St. George for 3 soccer games. Now. Seriously, get up and do it now.
- Did you remember to send in your filled easter eggs to kindergarten? No? You are the worst parent ever. Also there will be a Thanksgiving feast. And a weekly snack. And an estimation jar--don't you dare fill it with dried macaroni because then the kids will hate you.
- Way to go only serving juice boxes at the kids soccer game because you messed up and forgot to bring double the amount of granola bars while you froze your behind sitting for 2 hours watching children who can barely play the game. Disgraceful.
I recently sat with a group of women talking about which General Conference talks were our favorites. One woman said, "I love the ones that just give it to me straight and tell me what I need to be doing. It gears me up like, OK I can do this!!" I just looked at her with dismay. I always feel so torn with our religion. On the one hand I love our church and the gospel. The atonement is real in my life and I am so grateful for my relationship with my Heavenly Father and the Savior. On the other hand I don't need more people telling me all of the expectations I am not meeting and my constant crushing guilt at being a failure at one more thing. Yes, I know I didn't make it to the temple this month. Did you see the list of other things above that I am clearly not accomplishing as well??! (Those are just the few examples I could think of right now--I am not trying to say that the temple is insignificant in any way or aligns with soccer treats. Come on guys, be cool.)
It often feels like my life is me trying and trying and watching all of the ways that I am falling short. I love the General Conference talks where they tell me that I am loved and that they appreciate my efforts. I need to hear that it is ok that my children eat quesadilla's for dinner sometimes and that they will survive watching TV because we all did. I need to know that it is fine for my kids to be raggedy but loved. I need to be told that you don't have to be the room mom, the soccer coach, immaculately dressed, doing service constantly, attending the temple, working from home, raising cultured children, and every other thing that it takes to be fabulous. Fabulous is not even on my to-do list.
I am lowering the bar, people. I don't think that it will effect anyone other than me, but I am giving us permission to not be great at all of these things. I am telling you that I will love you more if you don't show up looking perfect to everything. I will love you more if your kids have a lame birthday party with dollar store decorations and a homemade from a box cake. I will love you if your kids are scraggily and have runny noses sometimes and if your house is not immaculately clean and always decorated and you are eating Kraft Mac n' Cheese for dinner. Please tell me that you love to watch TV and you get cranky with your family--I would really love to hear it.
I promise to continue to try, but I am consolidating my trying a little. I am trying to laugh more with my kids. I am trying to be forgiving to my family and myself. I am trying to read my scriptures. I am trying to have positive relationships and be more loving. These are the things that I am trying to do.
I apologize up front for how pitiful we will be in all of the other trendy areas that we will fail at. But if you love gluten, stop on by. We've got loads of it.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Nothing new but spring
Sorry for the depressing post last week. I am committing myself to doing better. In fact I was just reading a book where a character said, "When everyone around you is almost drowning, you don't turn to the person next to you and tell them that you don't like to swim." Amen.
The weather is getting warmer and spring is on the way. This time of year always makes me hopeful. I told the kids today to look for all of the flowering trees because they are my favorites. They started talking about how they hoped to see the snowball bushes. It reminded me that last year we searched for the lilacs when they bloomed, and then later we searched the neighborhood for snowball bushes. How do they remember these things? Every time we pass the local produce stand Hadley says, "That's were we get our peaches!" She is four years old!? I hope that my children are able to remember the good things we do and not the bad. It struck me the other day that this is their childhood and that they are learning to be a mother/parent from me. I'm pretty sure that this is not the best way to learn it!
So here's to Spring, recommitment and growth, and longer, warmer days. To trying to be more joyful and find the patience and love that we need in our home. To not worrying about digging in and disciplining in a tough moment but instead going out for ice cream and flipping the switch. We're here and we're still working toward another day.
The weather is getting warmer and spring is on the way. This time of year always makes me hopeful. I told the kids today to look for all of the flowering trees because they are my favorites. They started talking about how they hoped to see the snowball bushes. It reminded me that last year we searched for the lilacs when they bloomed, and then later we searched the neighborhood for snowball bushes. How do they remember these things? Every time we pass the local produce stand Hadley says, "That's were we get our peaches!" She is four years old!? I hope that my children are able to remember the good things we do and not the bad. It struck me the other day that this is their childhood and that they are learning to be a mother/parent from me. I'm pretty sure that this is not the best way to learn it!
So here's to Spring, recommitment and growth, and longer, warmer days. To trying to be more joyful and find the patience and love that we need in our home. To not worrying about digging in and disciplining in a tough moment but instead going out for ice cream and flipping the switch. We're here and we're still working toward another day.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Warning--Today has been a bad day
Today has been a bad day. Problems have escalated and escalated into no-win situations. I feel angry and bottomed out and resentful. I feel victimized by my family and my children, and guilty that I feel this way and can't always react in the ways that I want to.
Why do I feel this way? Why is it that when I am hurting and begging and pleading with others to-- please for the sake of all things holy just stop--that we can't step back and avoid flying headlong into the abyss?
I feel carved out and defeated. How will we do this forever? How can this possibly get worse--as so many older parents assure me will happen?!
As I was struggling with this child and pleading with them to make other choices so that our day could still be salvaged, the child dug in their heals. They refused and continued to make things worse. They looked me in the eyes and told me that they hate me and wish they weren't part of our family. This child says things like this all the time.
Today, though, I felt like I had been slapped. But not just once, repeatedly, because I feel like I get this non-stop and I am exhausted.
The whining--slap
Misbehaving--slap
Running off and hiding--slap, slap
Destroying, oh the things that have been destroyed--slap!
The backtalk and comments meant to wound--slap
In the meantime (well-meaning) people pull me aside and tell me about parenting tapes and books so that I can learn how to deal with my obviously misbehaving children. Or tell me to put everything in perspective--slap, slap
Yesterday I threw out all of my teaching materials and research from my Ph.D. I felt like I was watching my dreams literally flutter into the garbage can. "It's ok," I told myself. "It's time to be realistic. This is your life now." slap, slap, slap
I sat in the temple the other day and I prayed. I prayed that I wouldn't resent my family. I prayed that I would love them and be filled with love for them. Today after an hour and a half of poor behavior, begging, pleading and threatening, hurtful word daggers, and quiet judgement from other mothers, I found myself screaming and crying in the car on the way home. A memory from a recent relief society lesson came to mind of a sister who sobbed and spoke about learning the agony of loving others who don't love you back.
Is this what parenting is? Is this what life is? Please don't tell me that this gets so much worse--I genuinely don't know if I will survive. There is a reason that cute lifestyle, parenting, and craft blogs are written by mothers with babies--I have nothing better than this discouraging post to offer. You know it all when they are small.
Why do I feel this way? Why is it that when I am hurting and begging and pleading with others to-- please for the sake of all things holy just stop--that we can't step back and avoid flying headlong into the abyss?
I feel carved out and defeated. How will we do this forever? How can this possibly get worse--as so many older parents assure me will happen?!
As I was struggling with this child and pleading with them to make other choices so that our day could still be salvaged, the child dug in their heals. They refused and continued to make things worse. They looked me in the eyes and told me that they hate me and wish they weren't part of our family. This child says things like this all the time.
Today, though, I felt like I had been slapped. But not just once, repeatedly, because I feel like I get this non-stop and I am exhausted.
The whining--slap
Misbehaving--slap
Running off and hiding--slap, slap
Destroying, oh the things that have been destroyed--slap!
The backtalk and comments meant to wound--slap
In the meantime (well-meaning) people pull me aside and tell me about parenting tapes and books so that I can learn how to deal with my obviously misbehaving children. Or tell me to put everything in perspective--slap, slap
Yesterday I threw out all of my teaching materials and research from my Ph.D. I felt like I was watching my dreams literally flutter into the garbage can. "It's ok," I told myself. "It's time to be realistic. This is your life now." slap, slap, slap
I sat in the temple the other day and I prayed. I prayed that I wouldn't resent my family. I prayed that I would love them and be filled with love for them. Today after an hour and a half of poor behavior, begging, pleading and threatening, hurtful word daggers, and quiet judgement from other mothers, I found myself screaming and crying in the car on the way home. A memory from a recent relief society lesson came to mind of a sister who sobbed and spoke about learning the agony of loving others who don't love you back.
Is this what parenting is? Is this what life is? Please don't tell me that this gets so much worse--I genuinely don't know if I will survive. There is a reason that cute lifestyle, parenting, and craft blogs are written by mothers with babies--I have nothing better than this discouraging post to offer. You know it all when they are small.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Appreciate your day-to-day people dang it!
Have you ever noticed that the closer you become to someone the more you begin to take them for granted? From my Social Psychology background I suppose I would say that it has something to do with habituation. We tend to slowly grow used to certain situations over time until they become unremarkable and insignificant to us. For example, at our old house Brian and I were awoken by a train honking every single night for the first few weeks we slept there. After we had lived there over 8 years we didn't even notice the sound anymore, we had completely habituated to the sound.
I think that we must do this with our relationships as well. I remember being a young teenager and having my parents or friends tell me they loved me or that I was smart or that I was beautiful. I would throw it back at them, "Well you have to think that! You are my mom/friend!" What a cruddy way to discount someone else's opinion. My oldest just did this to me the other day. I told him that he is a great kid and that if I had anyone to choose in the world I would pick him. He said, "Well you have to think that, you are my mom." The funny thing is that now as a mom, I really do see how beautiful, smart, capable, and wonderful my children are. I see the hidden, fabulous things that other people don't get to see because they don't know them in the same way and have the same relationship with them. Rather than having my opinion count less I see that my opinion should count for more. But habituation folks, it happens.
Habituation clearly happens in marriage. Just today I was thinking, "Why does Brian insist on kissing me every time he leaves, I am so busy I wish he would just let me do my thing!!" Seriously? Here is a person who loves me and wants to express that love to me before they leave and I just wish that they would leave me alone? I can guarantee I didn't think like that when we were dating or when I was single. Likewise, if I need something I expect that he should drop everything for me. Why would I think that our relationship should work in such a one sided way and that I could so wholly take another person for granted and yet still expect them to be around? Habituation, I tell you!
Finally, I have noticed this in my friendships or other relationships as well. I have friends who cancel longstanding plans on me at the last second because old friends called and they couldn't possibly pass up seeing them. Or who ask me to watch their kids so that they can hang out with friends they don't see as often. They don't invite us over for dinner or out on a date night--why? Well because they see us all the time! (Side note--do we actually see each other more? We don't go out or have play dates, we hang out at our own houses because we are busy with our day to day chores when we are at home.)
Today I had a mom call me and ask to send her son home from my house where he was playing with my son. He had a new friend show up to play so she wanted him to come home and play with this new friend instead. You may think I'm way off base but I really wonder, why would you teach your son that this was appropriate behavior? Is it really ok to suddenly drop a friend or loved one that you see more often for a different friend who showed up unexpectedly?
Is the quality of your friendship and the worth of an individual lessened due to frequent interaction? I would pose that it is actually worth more.
My neighbors feed my children and invite them into their homes daily. I love them for this and I value them. They are teaching my children and interacting with them almost as much as I am.
My kid's teachers take them on field trips. They love them and teach them and praise them and scold them. I volunteer for one hour twice a month and wonder how many years at the end of my life have evaporated after said volunteering. It is the worst! And yet, these teachers do this day in and day out. I appreciate them.
My ward members teach my children for two hours each week. Greyson's gave him a $5 bill for Valentines. Why??? Just to be nice! Everett has had a string of teachers who have worked with him and love and hug him in the halls. It makes tears come to my eyes to see the people who invest in him. There are empty nesters who snuggle and teach my baby and my 4 year old each week for 2 hours. Can you imagine a room full of 2 year olds or 4 year olds for 2 hours? It makes me crazy to think about!! I love and appreciate these people.
We have neighbors who car-pool my kids, coach their basketball teams, invite them to their home for scouts (heaven help them!), run pack meetings, allow us to cut pinewood derby cars in their garage, and more. We have neighbors that invite us to use their pool often in the summer--just because!
I've come to notice that people tend to fawn over people that they don't see often, are new, or who struggle for one reason or another. I suppose because they are novel and the habituation hasn't set in as much. I've made the realization, however, that I am someone who sees people that are solid and do the little things every day that make our lives better. Those people usually do not receive thanks or praise or attention. They are discounted or ignored, and it's a shame.
So look around and appreciate your day-to-day people. Don't take a solid person in your life for granted just because they are always there. In fact, that is just the reason that you shouldn't take them for granted. Because no matter how much someone loves you, over time they will get tired. Appreciate them and express your appreciation. Don't blow them off, those are the people that are making your life possible--they are worth their weight in gold. Treat them that way.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
On having enough
I have been trying to embrace a bit of a more minimalistic lifestyle lately, and let me tell you it sure is a bag of contradictions.
On the one hand I won't lie. I love stuff. Presents? Yes, sign me up! My favorite app is my amazon app so that I can check on the price of anything that springs to mind at any given time. Don't even get me started on how much I love clothes. They are the solution to everything I tell you! (Except that they are not which is why you have to buy more. Duh! Maybe the solution is a haircut...)
On the other hand, there is another part of me that can clearly acknowledge the waste of a life in constant pursuit of things. Sometimes I feel this sense of disembodiment where I can step outside of my own life and watch myself a little. I see myself scurrying here and scurrying there, buying and buying and bringing it home to fill my house. I imagine myself like a hyperactive little hamster squirreling things away and filling their cage with hoarded goods. What is the point of that life? What are those things bringing that are of value or importance? Why am I spending my life running here or there only to acquire something else to fill my home, my time, and my attention? It makes me sick!
Just yesterday Brian and I had a funny conversation about the doctors that he worked with. Apparently he and the doctors were talking and one of them mentioned that he might have to live off of a salary that is triple what we make in a year. The doctor talked about it incredulously saying, "How in the world would I do that? How could anyone expect that of me?!" Brian and I laughed but talked about it increduously. How could he not live off of that salary, we wondered.
We talked about what we would do if we had triple the salary and slowly I started to feel sad. Why couldn't we have more money and have a fancier home with nicer cars and go on super cool vacations? We listed the services we would have, maids, yard guys, and nannies. The trips we would take, Europe, Japan, Australia, you name it. We talked about all of the things we would love to do that take money--lessons, expensive hobbies, etc. Heck I would even consider having more kids!
At one point Brian said, "but honey, you would never see me." I said, "For that money, I would just hire another husband to hang out with." He didn't think that was funny.
I eventually told him we had to stop. "Look at our lives!" I said, "We are so blessed and have so much. The thing is, if we had more we would just want more. If we had nicer things, we would just want more of those nice things."
And the thing is, we have a great life! Things that I am grateful for in my life:
I was telling Brian that the other day I was doing housework and thinking of different situations that I know of. I was thinking that I get so tired of hearing how some people have it so hard and we need to help them when everyone has trials and struggles and hard times. I thought about how I hoped someday we will truly understand everyone's trials and see that life is a struggle at times for everyone. Then I thought about the fact that some people's lives really are so hard and how god doesn't discriminate between those who have it "good" and those who have it so hard. My first thought was, "How unfair! So you live an easy life and another person lives a super hard life, but if you are both good people your reward is the same. It just seems like the person who had it hard should get a better reward." Immediately the thought came to me, "In the context of most of the world, you are a person who has an incredibly easy life. Are you sure you would want that policy after all??"
No matter what we have, it seems that part of the human condition is to want more. When we have a lot, there is still someone who has more to compare ourselves with. When is enough really enough? So I am trying to be content. I am trying to find peace and happiness in what I have. I am trying to enjoy people and experiences and realize that my life is good and that I don't need more "things" to clean, acquire, and worry about. I mean honestly, there are only so many hours in the day to wear my clothes, play with my toys, clean up my belongings, eat my food, etc. What will having an overabundance of these things do for me other than leave me constantly in pursuit of trying to make them all worthwhile. What a hassle.
I'm not sure how to end this soapbox. I still like things, I still plan on owning them. I suppose for me I am saying that I want to be more deliberate in my acquisitions. I want to try to ask myself, am I buying to buy? Do my children really need 10 different outfits or will they be content with four? Am I being content with what I already have and living in a state of gratitude? I hope that I can reach a place where I am and have enough. And I hope that I can nurture that in my family as well.
On the one hand I won't lie. I love stuff. Presents? Yes, sign me up! My favorite app is my amazon app so that I can check on the price of anything that springs to mind at any given time. Don't even get me started on how much I love clothes. They are the solution to everything I tell you! (Except that they are not which is why you have to buy more. Duh! Maybe the solution is a haircut...)
On the other hand, there is another part of me that can clearly acknowledge the waste of a life in constant pursuit of things. Sometimes I feel this sense of disembodiment where I can step outside of my own life and watch myself a little. I see myself scurrying here and scurrying there, buying and buying and bringing it home to fill my house. I imagine myself like a hyperactive little hamster squirreling things away and filling their cage with hoarded goods. What is the point of that life? What are those things bringing that are of value or importance? Why am I spending my life running here or there only to acquire something else to fill my home, my time, and my attention? It makes me sick!
Just yesterday Brian and I had a funny conversation about the doctors that he worked with. Apparently he and the doctors were talking and one of them mentioned that he might have to live off of a salary that is triple what we make in a year. The doctor talked about it incredulously saying, "How in the world would I do that? How could anyone expect that of me?!" Brian and I laughed but talked about it increduously. How could he not live off of that salary, we wondered.
We talked about what we would do if we had triple the salary and slowly I started to feel sad. Why couldn't we have more money and have a fancier home with nicer cars and go on super cool vacations? We listed the services we would have, maids, yard guys, and nannies. The trips we would take, Europe, Japan, Australia, you name it. We talked about all of the things we would love to do that take money--lessons, expensive hobbies, etc. Heck I would even consider having more kids!
At one point Brian said, "but honey, you would never see me." I said, "For that money, I would just hire another husband to hang out with." He didn't think that was funny.
I eventually told him we had to stop. "Look at our lives!" I said, "We are so blessed and have so much. The thing is, if we had more we would just want more. If we had nicer things, we would just want more of those nice things."
And the thing is, we have a great life! Things that I am grateful for in my life:
- My health and the health of my children
- A body that responds the way that I want it to so that I can run. I am strong and healthy.
- My husband is a good man.
- I have freedom to speak my mind.
- I have faith that lifts me through dark times.
- I have so much food that I have to worry about gaining weight.
- I have so much leisure time that I can do things for fun like exercise, or watch movies, or read.
- I have a job that I do to make extra money.
- More clothes than I could ever need. And then when I hate or are tired of my clothes I can buy others.
- Money in my bank accounts sufficient to cover my expenses.
- Electricity, heat, plumbing.
- Cars that work and are reliable. Enough gas to fill them up, and the freedom of having access to both.
- Free education for my children.
- A loving and safe community to live in.
- Family pictures.
- Fun holidays filled with items off of our wish list.
- Kitchen gadgets.
- Cell phones and computers, tablets and video games. Access to Netflix and Amazon Prime!
- Enough family and friends that we can't decide where to go on vacations.
- Enough money to go on vacations.
- Friendship and good neighbors.
- I could probably itemize a list of a million things in my home that I love. Appliances that save me time and energy, comfortable furniture to relax on, an entire room for me to devote to my own crafts and hobbies, more tools than any one family needs!!
- etc. etc. etc.
I was telling Brian that the other day I was doing housework and thinking of different situations that I know of. I was thinking that I get so tired of hearing how some people have it so hard and we need to help them when everyone has trials and struggles and hard times. I thought about how I hoped someday we will truly understand everyone's trials and see that life is a struggle at times for everyone. Then I thought about the fact that some people's lives really are so hard and how god doesn't discriminate between those who have it "good" and those who have it so hard. My first thought was, "How unfair! So you live an easy life and another person lives a super hard life, but if you are both good people your reward is the same. It just seems like the person who had it hard should get a better reward." Immediately the thought came to me, "In the context of most of the world, you are a person who has an incredibly easy life. Are you sure you would want that policy after all??"
No matter what we have, it seems that part of the human condition is to want more. When we have a lot, there is still someone who has more to compare ourselves with. When is enough really enough? So I am trying to be content. I am trying to find peace and happiness in what I have. I am trying to enjoy people and experiences and realize that my life is good and that I don't need more "things" to clean, acquire, and worry about. I mean honestly, there are only so many hours in the day to wear my clothes, play with my toys, clean up my belongings, eat my food, etc. What will having an overabundance of these things do for me other than leave me constantly in pursuit of trying to make them all worthwhile. What a hassle.
I'm not sure how to end this soapbox. I still like things, I still plan on owning them. I suppose for me I am saying that I want to be more deliberate in my acquisitions. I want to try to ask myself, am I buying to buy? Do my children really need 10 different outfits or will they be content with four? Am I being content with what I already have and living in a state of gratitude? I hope that I can reach a place where I am and have enough. And I hope that I can nurture that in my family as well.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Housework musings
I know, two posts in such a short amount of time? It's shocking! I also got up at 5:30 this morning, ran twice, had scripture study twice, worked, and vacuumed all before 9:30 am. I am now sitting in my chair waiting to be translated. Might as well blog while I'm at it!
So I have decided that I am going to try to start back into writing with my musings while I do housework. Theymay be are stupid, but they are what I think about while I do the tedious day to day work of cleaning.
Todays topic--use of the phrase "love story."
Ok, so has anyone seen those crafty signs, or quotes, etc. that say something like, "All love stories are beautiful, but ours is my favorite!"
Whenever I read those I think, "Really? You feel like your life is a love story?" and then I try to imagine the person that puts that on their wall and what they must be like, or their relationship must be like. I imagine that they are in a teenage vampire love novel and that werewolves are lurking outside of their house ready to rip their throats out while they angstily (I just made that word up--go with it) stare into each other's eyes. "I love you so desperately!!" they will say, and then they will die. The end. Whoa, sorry the story got away from me there.
If you have that sign in your house I apologize. Clearly I am the worst and you can't take anything I say personally because, well you know, the worst!
I guess I just think that this is not the reality of my "love story." My "love story" is more like
But that to me, my friends is life and love, and we are not in a love story. We just love each other enough to work together everyday on all of the unglamorous little things.
Again--not a comment on you if you have a beautiful glamorous "love story."
Remember
Clearly you are not the one with problems. :-)
So I have decided that I am going to try to start back into writing with my musings while I do housework. They
Todays topic--use of the phrase "love story."
Ok, so has anyone seen those crafty signs, or quotes, etc. that say something like, "All love stories are beautiful, but ours is my favorite!"
Whenever I read those I think, "Really? You feel like your life is a love story?" and then I try to imagine the person that puts that on their wall and what they must be like, or their relationship must be like. I imagine that they are in a teenage vampire love novel and that werewolves are lurking outside of their house ready to rip their throats out while they angstily (I just made that word up--go with it) stare into each other's eyes. "I love you so desperately!!" they will say, and then they will die. The end. Whoa, sorry the story got away from me there.
If you have that sign in your house I apologize. Clearly I am the worst and you can't take anything I say personally because, well you know, the worst!
I guess I just think that this is not the reality of my "love story." My "love story" is more like
- Did you take out the trash?
- Thank you for changing dirty diapers! Now why didn't you take the dirty diaper to the trash?
- Jeez we need to shovel the driveway again...I hate the stupid snow.
- When will you come home? I need a break!
- I love you, now I need to turn over to go to sleep because you touching me makes me too hot/uncomfortable/annoyed. No seriously, don't touch me!
- Did you send in the prescription?
- Costco said you didn't send in the prescription. Again.
- Pack meeting. Ugh.
- I will love you forever if you will handle (*insert child's name here) and their vomiting/diarrhea
- Aww, you brought me a free dove bar from the hospital? But the kids ate it. Dang it.
- Thanks for getting pineapple pizza even though it cost $2 more because you know I like it. (And I also always get a 7 layer burrito at Taco Bell even though everyone else has to get a plain one. The romance!!! Clearly food is my love language...)
But that to me, my friends is life and love, and we are not in a love story. We just love each other enough to work together everyday on all of the unglamorous little things.
Again--not a comment on you if you have a beautiful glamorous "love story."
Remember
- Me=the worst
- Me=thinking while cleaning my own house and having no one to talk to.
Clearly you are not the one with problems. :-)
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
The Blog is Dead, but I still miss it.
So I am writing this with the full knowledge that no one will ever read it since I never post anymore. I'm not sure why I haven't been able to take the time to write for so long--other than the fact that my life has not been my own for over 9 years now. :-)
I miss having a place to put my thoughts to "paper" though.
We are now entering a new phase of life and I'm not sure I'm completely onboard. On the one hand, it is nice to have older kids. Just everyone walk/buckle/use the bathroom by themselves so mom's back can survive a few more years mmmkay?
On the other hand this is a whole new level of hard.
While babies needs are so exhausting but concrete, older children's needs are so emotionally exhausting and abstract. How do you help someone who needs to help themselves? How do you even know what they need when they often don't? What do you do with someone who is no longer cute but desperately needs direction and yet doesn't care to hear what you have to say? And what if all of your hard work--like so many good parents who came before you--seems to be all for naught??
It is going to be a long journey, people. I can already tell you that!! Long gone are the days of cute smiling pictures of toddlers at the zoo. We are in the middle of the day in, day out homework and music lessons and scouts and piano and dang it, why did you rope me into the science fair?! And I can't hang out with my friend because I have to drop off and pick up 2 children all within the space of two hours and I am getting reports from their teachers that they were stinkers and I might just lose my miiiiiiiiind!!!!!
So we are trooping along. I find that we need someone to share our lives with. Perhaps that is what I am doing here?
The end for now.
I miss having a place to put my thoughts to "paper" though.
We are now entering a new phase of life and I'm not sure I'm completely onboard. On the one hand, it is nice to have older kids. Just everyone walk/buckle/use the bathroom by themselves so mom's back can survive a few more years mmmkay?
On the other hand this is a whole new level of hard.
While babies needs are so exhausting but concrete, older children's needs are so emotionally exhausting and abstract. How do you help someone who needs to help themselves? How do you even know what they need when they often don't? What do you do with someone who is no longer cute but desperately needs direction and yet doesn't care to hear what you have to say? And what if all of your hard work--like so many good parents who came before you--seems to be all for naught??
It is going to be a long journey, people. I can already tell you that!! Long gone are the days of cute smiling pictures of toddlers at the zoo. We are in the middle of the day in, day out homework and music lessons and scouts and piano and dang it, why did you rope me into the science fair?! And I can't hang out with my friend because I have to drop off and pick up 2 children all within the space of two hours and I am getting reports from their teachers that they were stinkers and I might just lose my miiiiiiiiind!!!!!
So we are trooping along. I find that we need someone to share our lives with. Perhaps that is what I am doing here?
The end for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)