Why ask?

Have you ever noticed that we always ask questions that we don't really want the answers to?

I do this all the time--probably my favorite is asking if I look like a chubby wubby. Of course B is too smart now to fall for that one, he tells me that I'm beautiful no matter what. Unfortunately little G is a little more honest, though I must say that in general he too has been trained well by his father to tell me I'm gorgeous.

The problem is that like G--people don't always give us the answer that we want. I've decided that people respond to this is two different ways. There is the first subset who just ignore what you say and do it anyway.

Example Ignorer: "Can I have a bite of your dinner?"
Me: "Nope"
Ignorer: "Thanks, that was really good."
Me: "Am I turning invisible/mute?"
Ignorer: "Thanks for the drink too--it really helped wash it down."

The other category is the victim. This person asks what should be a question that can have a multitude of answers--but if they don't get the one answer they want they are very upset/hurt/shocked that you wouldn't respond in the way they deemed fit.

Example Victim: "Can I have a bite of your dinner?"
Me: "Nope."
Victim: (shocked look as though you slapped them across the face) "Why not? I just want a bite."
Me: "I don't feel like sharing. This is my dinner, you have your own. It's nothing personal--you asked and I said no."
Victim: "BUT HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME? All I want is a bite of your dinner." (Now practically crying and acting like you ought to be sent to prison.)

There are some professionals, however, who have mastered combining these two categories. These are the ignorers who then become victims later. Believe it or not, I have actually had this conversation more than once.

Example Ignorer/Victim: "Would you like a glass of milk with dinner?"
Me: "No thanks."
Ignorer/Victim: "Here I'll get it for you."
Me: "No thanks."
Ignorer/Victim: "Look a nice glass of milk."
Me: "Alright, thanks."
Halfway through dinner...
Ignorer/Victim: "Why aren't you drinking your milk?"
Me: "I didn't want any. I prefer water."
Ignorer/Victim: "What? But I got you milk? How could you not want milk when I got you the milk? Is it not good enough?" etc. etc. etc. (Again looking as though I slapped them in the face.)

The moral of the story is that all through high school I told my friends' parents that I was lactose intolerant. Now if I could only come up with an allergy that would get me out of interactions with my mentor, family reunions, filling up my car with gas, strong odors, and foods that I would only like to avoid periodically I'd be set!